Sick as an Ed
by Munkman13
Summary: Due to a slip up by two separate people the Ed's are kidnapped to take care of a sick individual. A oneshot that focuses on family dynamic. Don't like don't read.


**Danny A. Owns Ed Edd n Eddy. I own nothing not even this computer. Came to me when I sneezed.**

Ed sat in his kitchen buttering his breakfast of the day. Fresh white bread into crunchy toast! He really wondered where the bread went when the toast took it's place, his personal theory it was a dimensional portal and the bread was a willing sacrifice. Sneezing a bit a booger landed on the tip of his knife before it was spread in and lost among the two inch thick lard. Ed had a terrible hear cold that he was just beginning to get over and he still wasn't one hundred percent there yet.

That's why his mommy told him to get plenty of sunshine and fresh air today.

"But no jawbreakers mister." He reprimanded himself before laughing and picking up his early morning meal.

Humming loudly and out of tune he crunched on his breakfast and walked down the hall of his house, taking a big bite he opened the door and breathed in deep the outside air. Something wasn't quite right. Holding his breath he sniffed experimentally senses on edge should the worst case scenario be playing out.  
He couldn't get a clean sniff with his clogged sinuses and his stuffy nose wasn't helping anything either. Gazing he looked for anything out of place.  
No the sun was still there high in the sky.  
Couldn't have been the fresh air either he was still conscious.  
The toast hadn't sprouted legs and walked away (Although that would be so cool!)

No the neighborhood was quite and empty on a fine saturday morning. Ed did a double take once that fact registered.  
Empty, Quite and Saturday morning did not go hand in hand in this place...What the hey was the matter here?  
The squealing tires coming quickly answered his question.

Kevin was riding his bike hard, she squealed in protest over this abuse and he winced at how bad he was hurting his baby. But with the the two dorks hanging onto him for dear life that instantly made him a target for the three trailer trash dorks chasing after him. For some reason he was still not able to outdistance himself from them and he was easily going twenty miles an hour here!

"Hang on dorks!" He shouted grabbing hold of a lamppost and hurling them around it someone screaming in his ear the other praying to some deity or other. They made it somehow they had gotten around the corner without slowing down and barreled down the sidewalk. The third dork was standing in his front yard looking around the empty cul-de-sac like a ninny. Not even trying to hide! The moron.

"Kevin I don't recall Eddy or myself having expressed our gratitude over your well timed act of chivalry that most certainly rescued us from..."  
"Yeah, yeah, bottom line shovel chin you really saved our asses back there. We owe ya one."  
"Whatever man. You better tell your boy to get inside before they sniff him out." Eddy and Double D looked at where Kevin was pointing and gaped. Ed was just standing there with a befuddled expression on his face, unclear on where the rest of the neighborhood had gone while he had slept in.

"Oh no! He must have slept in!" Double D shouted dramatically before crying out to get his friends attention to no avail.  
"Lumpy!" Eddy shouted and jumped off as they passed by, Double D was whisked off to what Eddy hoped was safety. Kevin didn't even slow done.

"Hmph typical." Eddy snorted out he had face planted and pushed the grass up into a neat little hill with his head in the center of it. He pulled himself out and brushed himself off a bit of grass and dirt had wormed it's way into his ear.  
"Hiya Eddy!" Ed said good-naturedly not even questioning as to why they were so panicked.

"Ed this is no time for chitchat! You gotta get inside and hide! They don't know where you're at yet."  
"Who Eddy?"  
"The Kanker's man! their out hunting for some fresh meat!" Ed's eyes widened before crying out to spread the signal to his friends.  
"Kank-hm!" Eddy had grabbed ahold of Ed's lips and forced them closed with a shush.  
"Everyone already knows lumpy! Go find a place to hide I'm gonna try to get back to my place." Ed nodded in understanding before running off back to his house. Not bothering to close the front door he ran straight for the basement taking the steps three at a time he got to the bottom and slammed his door shut. Moving a few choice items in front of the door to keep it closed of course, such as his dresser, chair, a life sized version of May Kanker, his television, and to top it all off a vase with a small flower in it.

After making sure that he was well protected he jumped into his bed and pulled the covers up over his head, buttered toast held safe to his chest. No way would a Kanker be able to get in here!

"What'chu doing big Ed?" A voice with a slight lisp asked him as he lay in the semi darkness of his sheets.  
"Hiding." He answered the voice thinking nothing of it, he typically heard voices all of the time. The bed shifted as some weight was put on it and something snaked underneath the covers with him.  
Ed was confused, the voices very rarely ever had any impact on his everyday objects. A very important fact dawned on him and his eyes grew wide as his pupils dilated. He did not own a May Kanker doll, especially not one that was life sized. Whipping his head around he found May laid next to him, smiling with her buck teeth chewing on her lower lip.

"Breakfast in bed! You romantic you!" May cried out in delight before grabbing the piece of toast from Ed's hand and popping the entire thing in her mouth, chewed and swallowed. Ed's eyes widened even more if that was humanly possible as he watched in horror as his breakfast was consumed faster then he could say a word.  
"Now some honey for you!" She spoke excitedly applying lipstick while holding a struggling Ed in place. The image that soon filled his vision was May Kanker's rust colored lips.

Passage of time.

Eddy and Double D and Ed were walking around the cul-de-sac, searching for a fourth man to play some soccer with. Kevin would be ideal but Nazz or Rolf could make a decent substitute.  
"Man where is everybody?" Eddy huffed in annoyance, typically people would be out and about on a saturday afternoon. But oddly enough it appeared as if their street was empty.  
"This is mighty peculiar just last week a Kanker attack and now no one to be seen." Double D remarked as they continued down the street. The sun was high and hot, leaves turning from green to a barrage of autumn colors. This could be one of their last good days and yet not a soul could be seen.

"You ever get the feeling that those six know something that we don't?" Eddy asked as he stopped in the middle of the street and picked up an empty can, the wrapper torn off.  
"Like that the end of times is upon us Eddy?" Ed asked a dopey grin across his features as he stared around the corner of Johnny's house.  
"End of times?" Double D repeated giving Ed a wide berth and a concerned look, as he moved around the side of Johnny's house to see what it was Ed was observing.

Double D's eyes widened and he motioned for Eddy to join him. The scene was horrifying. The backyard appeared to be a war zone of splintered fence, uprooted trees and ripped up dirt. The side of the house had been ripped off and flung to the side, one could look inside and see the entire first floor, a small fire was burning in the kitchen sink.

"Whoa. What the heck did Johnny and Plank argue about?" Eddy said in wonder at the damage. Double D made his way into the yard hopping over the damage and being conscientious of any nails. A flapping in the wind caught his ear. A clue? A victim perhaps? Going over to the side of the fence he found the source of the noise. A twenty dollar bill flapping in the wind.  
"Dibs!" Eddy shouts excitedly and rushes over to pick it up. The cash somehow seeming to sense his presence moved just out of his reach and flew over the fence.

"Get back here!"Eddy shouted his face contorted in anger at getting cheated his cash.  
"Eddy!" Double D and Ed cried out rushing after him. They got over the fence in time to see Eddy go around the corner and into the alleyway. They wasted no time in rushing after him.

Around the corner they ran straight into him, staring up in wide-eyed fright, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. Standing there in all her redheaded glory and holding aloft a fishing pole with the twenty hanging off of the hook, was Lee Kanker. A look on her face so serious that it was frightening.

"Got em Marie." She said glowering down at the three trembling boys. A chuckle came from behind them, Marie Kanker had circled around and cut them off of their escape route. No where to run and no where to hide. The only logical conclusion of course was to close their eyes and wait for whatever torture to be over. Feeling themselves getting picked up and carried the three friends went limp and instantly knew where they were headed.

The trailer park, the center of the lions den.

The inside of the trailer was much like they had seen it before. Yet somehow messier. Piles of clothes and dishes were scattered everywhere. Eddy looked around in disgust, this was just plain gross even for someone like Ed's standards.  
"This place seem trashier to you? Or is it just me?" He muttered to Double D.  
"Cleanliness does not seem to have taken precedent in the past few days no." Double D agreed, standing on his tiptoes so as to not accidentally step on a teenage girls brazier.

"Hey! Why did ya bring us here!" Eddy shouted out to Lee and Marie who were in the kitchen unloading there pockets of various things. Both glared over at him before shouting simultaneously.

"Shush it!" Lee made her way over to the three boys, a tray piled high with bottles of pills, oranges and towels, a big glass of water sitting on the very top balancing precariously.  
"Listen up." She growled softly. "We need your help picking this place up and taking care of May, we would do it ourselves but things got a bit..." here she stopped and gestured around. "Hectic."

"Why the heck should we help you!" Eddy said pointing a finger in her face. Eddy didn't work for free for nobody, least of all his tormentors!  
"If ya don't we pound ya into last thursday leprechaun!" That instantly caused Eddy to stop talking and glower at the ground muttering under his breath.

Marie came over with three matches in her hand and gestured at the Ed's with them. "Pick one." Eddy grabbed one and ripped it out. It was a short stubby one. Double D gingerly grasped another with his thumb and index finger before pulling out a medium sized one very cautiously. Ed studied the final match before experimentally pulling it out, somehow the girls had gotten ahold of one that was approximately half a foot long.

The two Kanker's nodded satisfied at this turn of events.  
"You take this upstairs and sit with May." Lee said shoving the tray into Ed's hands before he could refuse. "And no funny stuff ya got that." She seemed to stare intently into his face until he nodded his head that he understood.  
"You help me with the laundry." Lee ordered grabbing Eddy by the ear and leading him away to the bathroom, fuming all the way. Marie looked at Double D with a seductive smirk.  
"That leaves us with the dishes." Latching herself onto his arm she lead him into the kitchen. "Behave and I'll splash water on my shirt." She said giggling.  
"I believe that I can control myself thank you." Double D said dryly as his eyes pleaded at Ed to do something.

Ed looked up the stairs before making his way up them to the girls shared bedroom. The door was open and the light was dim, only what could seep in from the drawn blinds. Used tissues littered the floor, the air was very hot.  
May was lying on the bed in the fetal position, ten sheets were on top of her shivering form and her purple robe was keeping her well insulated, her face was pale as flour and her sweaty hair was a tangled mess on her pillow and forehead.

She gave a violent cough and rolled over in her sleep. Ed stood in the doorway shocked. He had never seen one of his tormentors sneeze before let alone show this much sickness. He wondered absentmindedly what could have possibly caused it.  
He then screwed up his eyes and thought about what his mom always did for him or Sarah whenever they were sick. Something, something, something. A lightbulb flared into existence over his head and he remembered what it was that she would do for him.

Moving over to the side of the bed he took out the towel and unfolded it, he then dunked it into the water and rung it out. He proceeded to lay it on May's hot head and let it lay there. He made certain that she was tucked all safe in her covers and sat on the floor beside her. Her face was towards him and she breathed steadily on his cheek.  
To Ed she looked like a character from some sappy romance movie Sarah had forced him to see. Not even remotely close to the local bully and stalker that he was so used to having to deal with. Ed shook his head once he figured out he had been staring for such a long period of time. He felt his cheeks and they were as hot as May's forehead had been.

"Hope I'm not catching the germ again." He muttered to himself as he began to peel an orange for when she woke up.

Double D walked into the kitchen and put as much distance between himself and Marie as he could possibly manage. This was no easy feat as she continued to inch closer and closer to where he stood and knock into his elbow. She had decided to wash the dishes and Edd would be the one to dry them. Double D looked down at the plate that he was holding in his hands and then glanced over at where Marie stood, she was gazing down intently at the soapy water she was dunking the dishes into.

Edd could not take it any longer, he politely moved Marie to the side and grabbed a sponge before scrubbing at the plates himself.  
"Shameful, simply look at the soap residue on these dishes." He began to re-clean them, scrubbing madly and turning on the hot water flushing out the old. Marie stood nearby bemused at the spectacle. She then grinned and began to dry whatever he finished. They worked in silence for what felt like hours.

Occasionally their hands would brush against each other as Edd handed her a new plate or glass to dry. At least Marie made it seem as if by accident.  
"So umh Marie." Double D broke the silence. "How long has May been feeling under the weather as it's been?"  
"She began puking her guts up last wednesday, She's been in our room ever since." Double D turned green at the vivid image before clearing his throat.  
"I am sorry to hear that."  
"Actually she's been pretty good today, hopefully it's breaking." Double D stared at the trashcan full of empty pill bottles of headache and stomach medicine. He recognized a label that he had made for one and against his better judgment, reached in and plucked it up. He turned to Marie horrified.

"Have you been commandeering the medicine in my bathroom?" He cried out in shock, his privacy felt absolutely molested!  
"Hey we ran out and it's not like that stuff is cheap. Calm down we did it with the other kids too." Marie didn't even look up as she delivered this little bombshell. Eddward, looked at the bluenette with sorrow in his eyes. He knew that the girls were bad off...but stealing pills? To help their baby sister? It was simply the most depressing thought that he could imagine happening to someone he knew personally.  
Marie noticed that he had stopped handing over dishes. Looking up she smiled and winked.  
"Changed your mind about the shirt thing?"  
"Er no."

"I do this under protest." Eddy fumed standing in the bathtub wearing a pair of red swimming trunks. Lee stood next to the mirror smirking at the sight.  
"You can do it underwater for all I care just make sure you get it done." Eddy grumbled and fumed before sitting down and swirling the clothespin the soapy water, slapping them against the sides of the tub and wringing them out.

"Man how did you guys get so many clothes so dirty?" He said in exasperation. Lee's expression fell off her face. "This is typically May's job. With her out of the way I dunno guess it sort of got away from us."  
Eddy looked up at the girl who had harassed him and his friends for close to five years now. She was wearing an old red one piece bathing suit, that he hated to admit she wore nicely. Her curly hair was back in a ponytail yet with still enough to cover her eyes. Her eyes that had just the faintest amount of liquid in them. Sucking in his breath he asked a question his brother had told him never to ask any dame.

"You okay?" Lee wiped at her face before turning around, her back facing him and rubbed vigorously before replying.  
"I'm fine. This entire place just falls apart without one of us ya know? And May she's been sick for so long...we can't afford it if she needs to go to the doc's or nothing...did you know that?"

"Sheesh, she's gonna be fine. You don't need to take her to a hospital for the col-" Lee cut him off right there.  
"But what if we do? Jesus. What if she gets worse or something?" Lee glared at her reflection in the dirty warped mirror. Splashing beside her and a hand on her shoulder caused her to glance over at Eddy.  
He had grown since she first met him, they were about the same height. She maybe a little taller thanks to the poof in her hair. But still, his height had always been a sensitive issue before. Even a bit had to mean something.

"You're overreacting. Now help me finish off these clothes, it is utterly disgusting to wash some chicks sweaty shirts is disgusting." Lee grinned before kneeling down to help him with her twenty-one piles of laundry.

Hours later Double D walked out of the kitchen his fingers worked to the bone. Eddy came from the bathroom, his entire body covered in prune wrinkles. Marie and Lee walked out after them.  
"Alright your free to go." Lee said showing them to the door. Eddy stopped and looked around confused. "Where the heck is lumpy?" The four of them looked at the ceiling before heading upstairs. The girls bedroom door was closed and some snorting laughter could be heard coming from inside. Marie and Lee looked at each other in alarm before barging into the room, slamming the door onto the wall.

Sitting up in the bed was a chortling May, Ed standing in front of her, a comic book in hand reading out the parts with great gusto. Eddy and Double D stood there in silence before Eddy moved up to Ed and flicked his ear.

"Come on ya comedian it's late and we need to head home." Ed looked at Eddy with sad puppy dog eyes before relenting. He turned to May quickly and handed her the comic book.  
"I'll read the best part to you tomorrow!" May grinned in happiness.  
"See you then!"

Ed bounced away in front of his friends while Double D attempted to explain the need of bed rest being necessary for an invalid to come back to the epitome of health in the quickest way possible. Eddy just rolled his eyes and tuned them both out for the long walk home.

May grinned up at her two older sisters before falling back in bed.

"I should get sick more often!" Lee and Marie groaned as they walked back downstairs to sleep on the couch and away from their quarantined sister.

**Danny A. Owns Ed Edd n Eddy characters. I own nothing not even this computer. Accidentally deleted this, turned out better in my ****opinion.**


End file.
